And Now For Something a Little Lighter

Documentary

To study the habits of teachers
Pretend you are working
Whilst observing them
Through small holes in books

Make notes of colour changes
Before shouting is heard
Advanced warning of danger!
Or if another teacher they fancy
Comes into the room
Take the opportunity to drop your guard

Teachers usually blush and giggle during courtship
So it’s easy to spot
Watch out for
Good moods
New clothes
Haircuts
Dreamy expressions
Leniency towards small crimes
And a general lack of interest in homework

Careful study will allow us to live in peace with these creatures
Tomorrow we will be studying 'The OFSTED Inspector'


Misunderstood
I hate being a monster mum
The little monster said
I’m scared of other monsters
And I hate it under beds

It hurts when children run away
I jump when people scream
I don’t suit a monster diet
I’d rather have chips and ice cream

I’m allergic to dust and spiders
I need to hold hands in the dark
Who wants to make noises in cupboards?
When they can go play in the park

I guess what I’m trying to say mum
Is I’m different to you and dad
Do you think you could love me as I am?
Cause I’m no good at being bad

Mrs. Brown

Mrs. Brown was unaware
That Tom could see her underwear
He laughed so much that he stopped breathing
And dropped the lolly he was eating

You might think the little fellow
Could be kind enough to tell her
But he’d hated her for years
And cried only laughter’s tears

The sight of someone that he loathed
With skirt tucked in their underclothes
Made the world a better place
Could lead to downfall and disgrace

Mrs. Brown walked tall and vain
Expressed malevolent distain
Though Tom thought her expression flickered
When he shouted “lovely knickers!”

Mrs. Brown began to glow
As all the street saw it was so
Retreating whimpering to her den
As Thomas gloated on revenge