Nessy Goes to Hollywood

Nessy had dreams of Hollywood,
So the monster star of the neighbourhood,
Ditched her life of dirt and mud,
And set out to quit the loch for good.

But the parts she got were all the same,
Monsters eating boats or planes,
Killing children and being slain,
Living in sewers and looking deranged.

Sick of carnage flames and blood,
And wrestling reactors in a latex hood
She felt lonely and misunderstood,
And went in search of comfort food.

Her new career hit the rocks,
When her latest movie flopped,
And this monster glutton food despot,
Got told that she was being dropped.

She knew she had to take some action,
Full figured monsters weren't in fashion,
So she binned her crisp and toffee ration,
And took up aerobics with a passion.

With a personal trainer and slimming Guru,
She lived on yogurt cabbage stew,
And macrobiotic organics too,
Until she'd lost the flesh she'd grew.

Now Nessy's the new face of slimming,
She's opened a clinic for monster women,
With muscle pumpers and eyebrow strimming,
Cornering the market for monster thinning.

So the scientists searching the Lock Ness mud,
Won't find a thing cos she's in Hollywood,
Yes the monster star of the neighbourhood,
Has finally quit the loch for good.